Uncommon Survivor: Nicaragua - Week 11 - Re-recap

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So, I'm sitting here getting ready to write. I've baked two pumpkins. I've turned them into pies. They're cooling on racks right now, the smell is fantastic. I press play on this week's episode and something is immediately wrong. Where's my PREVIOUSLY ON/LAST TIME ON (two, three, four) UNCOMMON SURVIVOR? What's going on here? Why is Jeff talking about the beginning again?

Ugh. It's a recap episode. Jeff promises new scenes, but they're basically telling me, "this week, we're doing your job." So sit back, relax, hide from your family, and watch me do a better job of them doing my job better. 

 

  • I like to blog with bullets and quick hits. It sounds much more gangster than it really is. 
  • Worst Jimmy brings back memories I didn't wish to revisit.
  • Marty thinks Dan knows about construction because he imagines Dan is in the mafia. 
  • Marty also hit a cameraman with a branch. And I thought I forgot they were there.
  • There wasn't enough footage of the girls stripping down. 
  • Sash's underwear are yellow so nobody will know if he gets scared.
  • NaOnka wishes she were on the other tribe because the younger tribe is full of idiots. You're allowed to be right one more time today, broken clock. 
  • The timing of Marty talking and the shelter collapsing couldn't have been better unless NaOnka had somehow been there.
  • Best Jimmy telling everyone they need to mix up the sleeping arrangement because Worst Jimmy had no room makes Worst Jimmy into even more of a jerk. 
  • If Fabio's strategy was to lay low and not be dumb, rubbing pepper juices into your eye is not in line with that strategy... or is it? What if it's the most brilliant strategy of all time? Mind: blown.
  • What if every time you did something dumb but tried to play off like you meant to do it, like stumble then start to jog, or bump your head, or fall down and look around to see if anyone saw, the Survivor cameras caught it? That's what's happening to Fabio, except for this to be one day's worth of footage, he's got to be flirting with calamity every five minutes. 
  • Holly's playing a different game than everyone else at this point. She's lost her marbles, even though she started with none, so she's suffering from marble madness.
  • Kelly Legs got some talk time. There wasn't anything noteworthy about it, except that it happened and I wanted to make a note of it. 
  • After Benry talks about what a waste he thinks Kelly Legs is, I am left wondering how much she actually talks. How much Kelly Legs footage is on the cutting room floor?
  • Since Tyrone is a fire captain, he's obsessed with fireproofing everything. Dude, you fight fires. If you prevent them all from starting, you just eat chili all day and hang out with dalmatians.... kind of like Jane. 
  • The Tyrone-Marty argument is good television. You can't beat a good ego clash. 
  • Jane trained for Survivor like it was the Iron Man Triathlon. I wonder what she did to practice her chemical warfare. 
  • The whole "tell Brenda and everyone else to go wash crabs" move was brilliant. There wasn't a hint of weirdness about it and it worked like a charm. 
  • Dan obviously dyed his hair before he got out here, because there's no play for Mister Gray
  • If Sash took me aside to try to talk with me about an alliance, I'd demand that he kept his shirt on.
  • Still can't believe people buy NaOnka's crap. It's even worse that everyone had to go help her look for the buried flour. 
  • Fabio: "We gotta get her out. I mean, I like her.... well, I don't wanna say that." 
  • I'd boo Chase's singing. It was so bad, it made Brenda burst into tears.
  • It couldn't have been just Brenda's looks that had all the dudes refusing to vote for her. It just couldn't be. I bet her hair smells good. 
  • I wonder if this episode burned through all the footage they had of snakes and outbreak monkeys. 
  • The fish dance has got nothing on the Bernie (seen here as ???), which is apparently sweeping the nation. Teach it to your relatives. 
Next week, real Survivor is back. Jeff said Kelly Legs will have something to say, and it sounds like it'll be whining. Can't wait.

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