Apparently, nobody watched this week’s Amazing Race because the NCAA tourney knocked it around on the TV schedule. My DVR recorded Katie Couric interviewing Rahm Emmanuel, and about 15 minutes of The Amazing Race, but I watched the full episode online here.

These legs always seem shorter when they don’t have to fly somewhere or take a train or something in order to bunch all of the teams back together. This particular leg did not even leave France, but it did teach us a couple of things. First, the French love to give Americans bad directions. Half of the teams were sent to the wrong town by seemingly well-intentioned locals. Second, when stacking champagne glasses, quickly is not the way to do it.

The part of me that secretly wants to watch Jerry Springer is eating up the relationship turmoil. I’m not sure which couple will implode first; the models or the lesbians. The models are doomed from the start because she’s stupid, and he’s not smart enough to pull up their average. The lesbians seem to have no affection for one another at all. At some point before the race began, they decided that the acrophobic brunette would do all of the height challenges. The only explanation for this is that the alpha female blond gets off on seeing her partner in terror. I am picturing a lot of bondage going on at their house, though I am not picturing it in too much detail because the blond is like Ellen Degeneres’ ugly old aunt, and the brunette, though not unattractive, is no Portia De Rossi. At the end of the race, they confidently state that they are going to be the first all-female team to win the whole thing. Not a chance.

Baseball dad crunches his car and has to do a quick duct-tape repair, which was just fantastic. Props to his wife for packing the duct tape. Kudos also to the daughter for refusing to drive the car forward with his hand in the wheel well. He may know baseball, but apparently the women in his life keep him from being listed on the Darwin awards.

In the end, the cops win again because no-one is given much of a chance to catch up to them, and they find the one man in all of France who actually is helpful to Americans. Jordan and Jeff (Team Big Brother) get eliminated because they are actually dumber than Team We’re not just Dumb Models (yes you are), even thought the models do their best to be eliminated.