Uncommon Survivor 23 - Week 13: Le Ticking Time Bombe
by Axion on Dec 8, 2011 9:03 AM EST
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Previously on UNCOMMON SURVIVOR; Brandon spills the beans all effin' over the place. Beans here, beans there. Bean there, done that. As I think of words to describe Brandon, I can't help but think of the words of Hank Hill, "That boy ain't right."
I had to watch live network television this week because my local Hand Egg squadron played a live event last Monday, but it afforded me the opportunity of seeing the promos for this week's episode, where they announced that Brandon's dad shows up. That either means there's been a severe breach of Survivor protocol, or this is the Relatives Episode. Get your tissues ready, boys. When ya comin' home son, I don't know when. Momma, I'm comin' home. MASH 'EM UP!
Cochran tries to sneak up on Ozzy like Bugs Bunny in a dress. He's also pretty burned at Upolo for not paying him back and Ozzy assuming he's already eliminated.
Eww, all those flies. Is that crab going to be okay? Brandon calls the tribe over for the morning prayer and Edna walks off, saying she's not part of the tribe. Then she goes and stands by herself. Weird part about it is her pantsuit is immaculate. Day 30, people. Immaculate pantsuit in the jungle. Girl can do some laundry. And then they pray without her!
Just as Edna is nailing Coach to the cross, Brandon comes shouting back about the Sprint tree mail. Lucky bastard. The videos play. I'm sure Sophie's dad meant well, but him saying he wasn't sure she was going to make it this far is kinda dick, right? Brandon seems to think prerecorded videos are live two-way exchanges as he answers his father's orders with a "sir."
Redemption Challenge Time! Grappling Hook Table-a-MazeBalls!
I took a snap of Jeff's shirt. This might become A Thing. I call it "Hey, Look at Jeff's Shirt."
On with it. Wow, cartoon sound effects for Cochran's mishaps. I was just beginning to think it couldn't be any more embarrassing for him. Clearly, I've learned nothing in our time spent with him. That was probably the closest challenge I've ever seen. The ball rolling right off the rim? Unreal. I mean, real, but you know. Table-a-MazeBalls reminds me of a video game, maybe that's why Cochran did so well.
Jeff calls the family members out. Ozzy gets to pick three and take them back to his Wild Man Lair. After everyone gushes over the phone, Coach seizes the opportunity to pitch his plan to go to the end with Ozzy, giving him his promise as a Christian man. What was his brother doing during this time? Come to think of it, was that really even his brother? Brandon's dad, meanwhile, is super-glad to have shown up to intervene, because crazy-ass Brandon apparently forgot that his holy mission is to win a million dollars for his father, not be a poor Jesus freak. He swears his son's fealty to Coach, but Coach feels it's coming on too strong. Also, Brandon's too nutty.
Immunity Challenge Time! Giant Pineapple Game Where You Can't Run Out of Moves! Someone help with this, this game has a name in regular board size, I just have no idea what it is. Anyway, "Hey, Look at Jeff's Shirt" miming Coach's Dragon Slayer move.
Brandon's strategy, aside from eliminating himself, was to corner Edna. It seemed like everyone else did that to themselves, too, but this was especially insulting to her. Coach wins. Edna's mad that she's on the way out, but Brandon seems oblivious to the fact that they're going to have to vote each other off between now and the end.
Back at camp, Edna's still pissed about the way Brandon treated her. He clearly doesn't understand that what he did was rude and once he trots out an apology, he feels his job is done. Edna rallies the rest of the tribe, minus Rick, and tells them all in a clear and complete way how Brandon sucks and they should keep her. That's the kinda stuff they never taught Cochran at Harvard Law. Later, Edna has just Coach by himself. Her conviction is so intense, the Dragon Slayer himself almost begins to cry. It's sad having to Old Yeller your most loyal dog. Listen to that piano music, too.
Tribal Council Time! "Hey, Look at Jeff's Shirt!"
I believe they've spent too much time dangling this Brandon vote idea in front of us to make it happen. Let's see who's the jerk; me or them. Edna has brought her excellent itemized list of Brandon's violations of the tribe's honor and integrity tenets. Brandon tries to dismiss it as lies, but Jeff doesn't let up, and none of it is lies. You live by honor and integrity, you die by honor and integrity.
Voting Time! Edna, Brandon, Edna, Edna, Edna. THEY ARE THE ONES WHO ARE THE JERKS!
"I didn't bring any weight to lose." via www.cbs.com
Next time: Honor and Integrity explodes all over everyone's face. And... Edna beats Ozzy?
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One thing I've grown to hate....
The sore loser jury who continues to roll its eyes and mouth bitchy things. It’s already got me thinking that we’ve got another jury who will vote personally as opposed to the game….which will lead to an unsatisfying end.
"Lord, beer me strength."
I doubt it
One of the reasons they didn’t vote for Russell that one time is because Natalie played such a good social game. I don’t really see that out of everyone here.
I think there is also something that comes out of the Us vs. Them dynamic of the two tribes. In that one season it was more Us vs. Russell and his brainwashed idiots. That created a dynamic where people were antagonistic against Russell.
In this case the jury has to vote for an Upolo member or potentially Ozzy. The hard feelings are mainly towards the group and not towards an individual. Brandon is probably the only one that will suffer for his social game. And really, who cares? What did he do Survivor-wise that should earn him Sole Survivor?
"second base is the bizness." -jbox
Bolts from the Blue - San Diego Chargers Blog Created By The Fans, For The Fans
Jeff's shirts are pretty awesome
I recently saw some shirts where they actually have a button and strap that allow you to roll them up and hold it in place. I’m surprised Jeff’s don’t have that. Maybe they pin them in place? Or maybe he has magical shirt powers. Either way, I want his shirts for all the all the outdoorsy things I want to do, but will never find the time for.
"second base is the bizness." -jbox
Bolts from the Blue - San Diego Chargers Blog Created By The Fans, For The Fans
If I remember to keep this going
We can know if he’s got a Batman closet full of identical shirts, or he just has two shirts.
Isn't it enough to know that I ruined a pony making a gift for you? ◔ヮ◔
Uncommon Sportsman :: Absurdity in play
Probst and his shirts
I remember reading an interview with him in the past where he commented on getting his look down…he buys standard hiking/cargo shirts and then has them tailored to his body…that’s it…just buy a shirt, then take it to a tailor to get that perfect outdoorsy look
Don't hate the game, hate the nerds!
Sophie, Brandon, Albert, and Rick (Survivor, various teams): 40 points men; 10 points Sophie. This crew cried when they found out their family members had come for a visit, then cried again when they gave them a hug. The "loved ones" episode on Survivor is a drag because it takes precious time out of a show that could better be spent showing them sit around a fire staring into space. Below is a list of the cast members and how seeing their loved one changed my perception of them.
Brandon
Loved one: Father
Insight into Brandon’s character: Brandon’s father tweezes his eyebrows. Not only do I not trust men with tweezed eyebrows, I don’t trust their offspring either.
Sophie
Loved one: Father
Insight into Sophie’s character: Sophie’s father was dressed like a captain of an America’s Cup yacht. He looked like the type of fella that reads the Financial Times while drinking tea brewed from leaves harvested on his plantation in Tanzania. He looks like the type of guy that will be first in line for commercial space travel. I do not think that Sophie needs that million dollars as much as some of the other cast members. She’s probably just on the show because she knows her father doesn’t approve.
Albert
Loved one: Mother
Insight into Albert’s character: Albert’s mother looks like she is Albert’s age. Honestly, this fact doesn’t affect the way I look at Albert whatsoever. You know what does, though? This video. Click on it. He is such a dork that it will make you feel as cool as Steve McQueen for three minutes.
Rick
Loved one: Wife
Insight into Rick’s character: When Rick hugged his wife he grabbed her ass. I loved it. Rick’s handsy hug displayed a little humanity and made me enjoy him more as a cast member. Now, all of a sudden, I am pulling for him. I haven’t rooted this hard for an ass-grabber since Brett Favre.
"second base is the bizness." -jbox
Bolts from the Blue - San Diego Chargers Blog Created By The Fans, For The Fans
