Previously on UNCOMMON SURVIVOR; the whole dang thing. A season that started off with promise is winding down in mediocre fashion. It seems the whole Colton thing was a season ago.

I guess it's impressive that the women came back after such a terrible start, but then I start to think about the men they were up against and it's not all that impressive anymore. Leif, Tarzan, Troyzan, ... other guys from the credits.

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Previously on... UNCOMMON SURVIVOR; Kat got all care mad about the reward thing and made too many waves. She got elim'd.

This is it, the second to last episode. Your pedantic friends would say "penultimate" but they're a bunch of weenies. Let us bask in the glory of this system which makes few rich and enslaves a great many for our minor pleasures. Hooray reality television programming. Hallowed be thy game.

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Previously on UNCOMMON SURVIVOR: A systematic elimination of the men has left the game in charge of like... two boring chicks. Nobody else has a shot. Chelsea and Kim are like the same person, too. This could go down in blogging history as one of the lamest Survivor seasons ever.

Week 12, huh? If memory serves me correctly, and it usually does not, next week will be thirteen weeks, and that means the finale will be the following Sunday. It can't come soon enough. This season became a lame duck after Colton nearly died of eating poop. Now that I've got you all pumped up to read this recap, let's go!

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Previously on... UNCOMMON SURVIVOR: we've been miserably making our way to the end. Troyzan is the outlaw that nobody really likes. Especially the women, who are just towing the party line until they have to start eating each other.

This season, you guys. This season is trying to wear me down. It's like all these people aren't even going to be horrible in any spectacular fashion. They're just going to be boringly bad. It would be excellent if there was a "None" option for the fan favorite vote. All the remaining Survivors would surrender their winnings to us, the viewers.

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Previously on... UNCOMMON SURVIVOR: Troyzan avoids elimination by playing his idol, leaving Jay to face the music. The music of the jury. Hey, it wouldn't be a bad idea to play the Night Court theme when losers walk off.

Man, we are really winding down here. Already on week ten of what I guess is fourteen. This is one of those seasons where I'm not quite rooting for anyone yet. Probably a forgettable season. (Here's to Survivor defying me by making me fall hopelessly in love with one of the remaining Survivors.)

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Previously on... UNCOMMON SURVIVOR: the women have taken a numbers advantage and threaten to eliminate the men. That decision to vote one of their own off earlier in the game sure has paid off.

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Previously on... UNCOMMON SURVIVOR; Tarzan is pretty cray but Jones got voted out instead. No more five star cuisine for all the dumb jerks who voted him out.

Can I editorialize for a second? Of course I can, nobody gives a schit. Baseball starts today. Real actual Major League Baseball, not the dumb gimmickball they've been doing for a week. Celebrate the springtime with a nice big pouch of Big League Chew and some sunflower seeds. If you do this at the same time and upload to YouTube, I will buy you an adult soda (that's beer.)

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Previously on UNCOMMON SURVIVOR... the season took a turn for the bearable with the elimination of King Colton due to medical reasons (I suspect fecal contamination). Praise the Survivor gods, they are swift and just.

The merge happened, too. The lack of feigned excited rhyming this year means two things: it wasn't that exciting of a merge and it was largely overshadowed by Colton's elimination.

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