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TTG Gets Introduced To Rodeo

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I was trying to think of something to write about for Uncommon while simultaneously flipping through the channel guide and decided that rodeo would kill both birds with one stone. Since I stumbled onto this, the ninth round of the 2009 Wrangler National Finals, half-an-hour into the rebroadcast, I'm just gonna jump into it with the running journal approach stolen squarely from the playbook of Aztec Sam's nemesis Bill Simmons. Just for the record, I know nothing about rodeo. I went to a rodeo event half-a-lifetime ago but I spent most of my time sneaking around smoking whateverth so this is a learning experience for me.

1:43am: Shaun Stroh is about to leave the gate in the Saddle Bronc event.

1:44am: Stroh falls off of his saddled bronc. The announcers sound pretty upset; I guess he sucked.

1:46am: They're excited now. Cody "Hot Sauce" DeMoss (he put hot sauce on everything while in college) just slayed it. I'm more impressed by his Clay Zapada -like 'stache and rodeo-perfect name.

1:51am: The most beautiful girl on the face of the earth asks me what I'm doing. I'm forced to sheepishly explain this.

1:55am: Some dude whose name I didn't catch just ate shit really hard. DeMoss is still in the lead.

1:57am: Wow, this is awful. What makes Tie Down Roping any better than dogfighting?

2:00am: Justin Maass gets his calf all tied up in 7.3 seconds. Impressive?

2:04am: Ryan Watkins puts up the third-best time with a 7.9, bumping Cody Ohl to fourth.

2:06am: Tuf Cooper? That's a friggin' rodeo name. Take that, Hot Sauce DeMoss.

2:08am: I mention Tie Down Roping and explain what they're doing to TMBGOTFOTE and her reply sums it all up: "Oh man, that's pretty ridiculous; what's the point in that?"

2:17am: The announcers go to commercial declaring that 7.3 is the winning time. I hadn't been paying much attention but I guess that means congratulations to ol' Justin.

2:20am: I don't know anything about Barrel Racing but I'm about to find out.

2:22am: Make a wish!

2:23am: Tammy Fischer takes the lead. Woooooooo-hooooooo!

2:24am: Cassie Mosely takes first with a 13.74. Woooooo-hooooo to her, too.

2:25am: Brenda-something takes second; her outfit matches her horse's legwarmers.

2:28am: I wish I had a sweet name like PJ Burger! I already like her better than PJ Harvey ...Mosely takes the win, TMBGOTFOTE cracks open a Fresca.

2:30am: I'm wondering why the hell I thought it would be a good idea to do this.

2:32am: TMBGOTFOTE informs me that King Of The Hill is on. I wish I could watch it.

2:34am: Oh, bullriding! I've seen this before!

2:35am: Cody Hancock gets 8-even and gored. "Hopefully he's just knocked out." Wow.

2:37am: Hancock is getting secured to a backboard. The crowd looks concerned although the announcers claim "it's just a precaution." Dude, he's unconcious.

2:40am: The last two guys have gotten thrown under three seconds in.

2:41am: Jesse Atwood gets an 8-even, too.

2:42am: Steve Woolsey gets 8 and trampled.

2:44am: Seriously, are these guys making up their names WWE-style? Clayton Savage? I thought Clayton Richard had a badass name; that's awesome!

2:45am: Hancock is concious again. Hopefully he rebounds from his concussion better than Ben Roethlisberger.

2:47am: Hot Wire throws BJ Schumaker after 1.7 seconds. I wouldn't have done any better.

2:49am: The announcers consider Bobby Welsh "a rebel" since he has a tie-dye under his vest.

2:50am: Still wondering why I thought this was a good idea.

2:52am: JW Harris manages 6 worthless seconds despite a broken hand.

2:54am: TMBGOTFOTE and I complain to each other about the horribly freezing Appalachian weather.

2:56am: Welsh is still in first overall despite finishing fifth in this round.

Wow, I didn't know I was in for so many foreign events. When I saw "rodeo" on the guide, I just figured it was bullriding. I honestly tried to care about it but must say that I do not care one bit what happens on Day 10. What a waste of time. I'm grateful that I learned how lame rodeo is tonight so I never have to watch that crap again.