clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

Competitive Eating Defense Force

Go here, read seanbaby's eight reasons he thinks competitive eating sucks. Give him a charity laugh about swine flu, that's what the kids are in to these days. But at no point should you appreciate this Philistine's point of view. We, here at Uncommon Sportsman, are militant about the sports that we cover, and they are all sports. If they weren't sports, how'd they get coverage on SBNation? The SB stands for Sports Blogs.

Without further ado, I'll snipe down seanbaby's paltry top 8 with no regard for the safety of women or children.

#8. It's not good for you. - That makes it awesome. No sports should be good for you, otherwise they'd call it exercise.

#7. Joo Americans and Joor Decadence - Hey, we didn't invent awesome, we are just it. Also, if your country can't feed you adequately, Americans giving you food for free isn't going to help. See: Africa.

#6. You can't dream it. - Not with that attitude. With obesity being an American epidemic, aren't we living the dream without expending the energy on dreaming it? That's double American.

#5. Tim Janus. - Leave Tim alone, sports figures don't have enough nicknames these days. This man has the courage to stand up and blaze his own trail. He is a true pioneer.

#4. Side food. - There's a dirty aspect to every sport. That, and side food can almost be qualified as "will to win." What other sports offer you the ability to measure the will to win in anything from grams to pounds? None.

#3. Seven Thousand Billion Title Holders - Just like boxing. Sure, it needs some more organization and universal legitimacy, but so does the MLB All-Star game.

#2. Merchandising. - I'd totally buy a competitive eating shirt that was designed to be eaten in competitively. Where do I send my money?

#1. Wait, Now Fat People Can't Do Anything! - What is he talking about? There's always baseball. And that's how you know it's a sport, when obese people have to sit out.


And there you have it, blog sniping at it's finest. Take that, unsuspecting opinionator!