Birmingham Councillor Bob Piper was "just bloggin man" and caused quite a stir when he suggested a method to sneaking in alcohol, what he calls "decent drink," to the third Ashes test at Edgbaston. Now, he wanted this to be our little secret, so please don't go posting this all over the Internet.
First, buy a 3 litre wine box.
Take the cardboard casing off, and put the silver foil container in the freezer until it is very, very cold, but not frozen. Then, before setting out, take the silver foil container and fold it neatly, so that the tap is not showing, and put it in a large tupperwear container.
Ok, I'm still with you. Go on...
Then, before putting the lid on, top off the whole lot with a tomato.
And there you have it, friends. Tuck it in to your rucksack or picnic hamper with a packet of crisps, an apple, a bottle of squash and a couple of glasses... and you should have plenty to sustain until at least the lunchtime session. And after that we crack open Chrissie's tea flask and enjoy a drop of fine guinness. Works every time for me.
Umm, ok, I got lost at tomato. How do I... what's with the... I don't even... halp.