clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

Amazing Race: Teams lethargically race through World War I Battlefield

New, 4 comments

If you buy something from an SB Nation link, Vox Media may earn a commission. See our ethics statement.

via <a href="http://wwwimage.cbs.com/cms/files/gallerix/albums/32/40853/full/10.jpg">wwwimage.cbs.com</a>
via wwwimage.cbs.com

CBS Amazing Race Recap

So the episode starts with the Loud Mouth Asian bragging about how he may have an injured knee but he can still beat the rest of the teams.  The camera zooms out and all the other teams are sitting beside him on a bus.  Most teams roll their eyes, but the Detectives seem to take this boasting as an insult.

“These teams around here, they’re not going to hinder me at all. I’ve been running with one leg. Imagine when this improves.”

The teams get off the bus somewhere in France and get a clue to find a bakery and order a fresh baguette. They all make their way to a small town bakery in a fancy European luxury car.  The teams mosey into the bakery, taking their sweet ass time.

The clue is inside the baguette,  Just about half the teams don't realize that they have to break the baguette in half to find it.  These teams really aren't bright, when compared with Amazing Race teams of yesteryear.

The detectives reach their challenge first.  They have to dress in U.S. Dough Boy uniforms and reenact a World War I scenario.  They have to choose to either crawl beneath 100 meters of barbed wire or decipher Morse Code. 

This is one of the coolest challenges in Amazing Race history.  In period uniforms they crawl between the German and French lines underneath the barbed wire as biplanes dive bomb and strafe them.  The sounds, the mud and equipment is authentic, if only the bullets were real, then maybe these teams would find a sense of urgency.

You've never seen a bunch of teams move more slowly.  The Fat Detective can't catch his breath and need to rest while crawling. They keep making references to World War II, even though it has been thoroughly explained to them that this is a World War I reenactment.  Not the brightest guys:

“You see the planes. You see the bombs exploding, just the noise. It’s a lot like what we do as detectives.”

Um?  Do they really believe that detectives fought in trenches while being bombed by planes?

The Lesbian's want no part of this challenge.  "I didn't sign up for this!"  What exactly did they think they signed up for? Wine tasting?  The angry Lesbian, (no the other angry Lesbian) continues saying she wished they had done the Morse Code challenge because crawling is for dumb people.  I'd agree since everybody chose to crawl and these teams certainly are dumb.

The Models approached in their car they saw the plane and he didn't know what it was.  I'll have to rewatch the scene but he said something like look at the "flying thing".

In any case, the Detectives finish the crawling challenge and get a choice to U-Turn one of the teams.  Of course they make the dumbest decision.  They choose to U-Turn the Loud Mouth Asian, the guy they could easily beat because he has an injured knee.  Not so smart.

As I imagined deciphering the Morse Code seemed pretty difficult.  It'd be nice if they had the Morse Code online and let viewers try that challenge themselves instead of revealing the answer.

The rest of the teams walked to a farm house where they changed in turn of the century bicycling gear and rode a Tour de France reenactment .  The Cowboys ran past the Gay Brothers and they discussed whether they should let teams pass them or not.  Seriously these are the laziest racers of all time.

The remaining teams slowly ride the four miles to the pit stop.  The Asian couple is left behind in the trenches where they eventually give up trying to decipher the Morse Code and are past by the dumbest of all teams.