Uncommon Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains - Week 6

Heavens to Betsy, I thought the NCAA Basketweaving tournament was never going to end. I know it's not completely done, but to me, it is. Did everyone make it through the break okay? Are we all accounted for... besides jbox? Ok, then. Previously on... UNCOMMON SURVIVOR: The ego trains that are Russell and jbox's fave (Boston Rob) were headed straight for each other, but another challenge won by the Villains put it off for what has seemed like two weeks. Instead, the hapless Heroes faced another vote and chose to get rid of Tom instead of saving themselves by being rid of an injured James.

For some reason, Candice is pouting over her choice to play it safe by voting for Tom. Amanda is so sick of her. 

That same night on the beach at Mordor, nearly everyone is asleep, save two sets of evil, beady eyes. Russell lays awake and jbox's fave sits pensively between two trees. Russell approaches him and offers a truce, concealing his metaphorical dagger for the time being. Jbox's fave also feigns diplomacy, but each confesses that they're trying to play each other. Prediction: they'll be sleeping together by Sweeps.

Tree mail arrives and Colby doesn't know whether it's a Reward or an Immunity Challenge. Then he trumps my prediction, saying there will be a challenge that James will need two working legs for. It's like he's seen this show before!

The teams arrive on their mats. The lady Villains barely contain a "squee" as they see James limp up with the rest of the Heroes. Jeff takes the team idol from the Villains and unveils the new Individual Immunity Idol. Why's that? Well, there's a double elimination vote, that's why! The challenge is the tangled rope maze that Tyson won before. The reward for the winner of the showdown's tribe is a hot dog feast while you watch the other team's tribal council. 

The Villains win a coin toss that we don't get to see, so they opt to sit while the Heroes go first. They charge onto their obstacles, with Candice and Amanda slithering through quickly and James surprisingly keeping pace. James manages to pull a lead over Colby, who looks like a dying dolphin. Candice clears her first obstacle and J.T. catches up. Amanda and Rupert clear their first ones next, but Candice wins it before anyone else even gets close. Jeff hands her the idol and accepts a free hug. 

The Villains start off, Tyson and jbox's fave writhe their way onto their obstacles, while Russell worms through his. The three men inch ahead of Coach, Sandra gets stuck immediately, and Danielle tries to free jbox's fave with a Basic Instinct but he's not paying attention. He gets through the first section with Tyson right after him. Russell gets to his second part, but it's too late; jbox's fave wins immunity.

Candice and jbox's fave head to the showdown. Before the round begins, jbox's fave takes his hat off. Russell, now is your chance! The challenge begins and Candice jumps out to a lead, showing off her inverted backside clamflip. Jbox's fave squirms out ahead and slowly builds his lead, finishing strong and claiming victory for the Villains. 

The Villains return to their camp where jbox's fave is Mr. Popular. They join arms and decide their voting for Parvati, but they have to trick Russell into playing his idol. He even tells Russell that if he doesn't have the idol, he should get it. Russell knows such an obvious troll when he sees one, and goes to tell Parvati that he's going to give her the idol and vote out Tyson instead.

Over in Higglytown, the dejected Heroes look at their feet as they walk. When they get to camp, Colby announces that he knows he's gone and says his goodbyes. James is pretty disappointed in how the mighty Colby has fallen, telling him he got beat by a fat man and a cripple. James is right, too, but somehow, the rest of the tribe now thinks it's up for debate. Colby, who just turned in a challenge performance that was only outdone by Sandra and announced his Survivor retirement to all, is now being considered back in the game. Rupert, J.T., Candice, and Amanda debate the pros and cons of each; Colby just sucks, James eats too many bananas. J.T. and Amanda go back and forth, each basically saying the same thing but meaning the opposite, "we have to save the strongest competitor." Colby did do awful in that challenge. In the game of Survivor: how do you make yourself seem worse than the one-legged guy who eats all the food?

Amanda runs out to coach James, asking him if he can run and if he can show everyone. She tells him everyone thinks he eats too many bananas, and this convinces him to meet Rupert up the beach to race J.T. Rupert tries to give his reasons why he's keeping James, but the first one is all we need to know: "James is allied with me 100%, Colby is not." James races J.T. and James is so hobbled that J.T. turns and runs backwards, and still beats him. Then James offers J.T. a banana. 

Back over to the Axis of Ego, where it finally dawns on jbox's fave that they'll need to split the vote to ensure they get either Parvati or Russell. The plan is set for jbox's fave (Rob), Tyson, and Sandra vote for Russell while Courtney, Jerri, and Coach will vote Parvati. Russell steals Tyson away to spin some game to him and Courtney can barely avoid giving the camera a look. Apparently, he chose the right guy to talk to, because Tyson admits to the temptation of being rid of Parvati. That, and he just wants that hot dog in his mouth. His words, folks. 

Villain Council Time! Jeff asks Jerri and jbox's fave what's different this time. Jbox's fave mention's the hidden immunity idol and Sandra says they all know who has it, and it's Russell. She has a big mouth for sucking so bad at Survivor. Russell says he doesn't have it. Parvati flatters Tyson about why he's a threat. Courtney nails jbox's fave's polarizing effect then voting begins.

Danielle goes first, voting for Tyson, then Jerri for Parvati. Jbox's fave votes for Russell and mumbles a clever catchphrase. Parvati votes for Tyson, Coach numbers his vote for Parvati number 18. Sandra says something classy about Russell. Tyson and Russell's votes are hidden. Jeff gets the votes and asks for any Hidden Immunity Idols and they cut to commercial, where I am rewarded once again for watching this on, "tape delay." 

When we return, Jeff re-asks for the idol, everyone looks to Russell. He obliges by standing up and pulling out the idol and walks up to Jeff. But not so fast! In the name of honesty and loyalty, he passes the idol to Parvati! She can't believe it. Jbox's fave just laughs and shakes his head. Parvati plays it while Coach is all smiles, and returns to her seat, calling Russell, "such a gentleman." Oh man, Friend Zoned on the spot! Jeff reads the votes, he gets to two votes for Russell, and reads one, two, three... four votes for Parvati. A puzzled look strikes jbox's fave's face as he does the math. Jeff reads the next two votes: Tyson. The final vote: Tyson. Whole. Lee. Shit. Russell thwarts Boston Rob again. Amazing. He got Tyson to switch and eliminate himself. Unthinkable. The best part? Tyson never got that hot dog in his mouth.

The Villains head across the council to begin their feast and the Heroes file in. Before they get under way, rain starts to pour. Jeff begins his examination but before long, it's dominated by James. He explains that Colby is in a sorry state and teaches Jeff about Banana Etiquette. Jeff asks Colby what it's like to be Superman in a fat suit. Colby said it sucks having to be him. The Villains are shuffled out and the Heroes begin to vote.

James is shown writing down Colby's name and vice versa. Jeff collects the votes and reads them off. The third vote is for James, then the fourth, and finally the fifth. James collects his torch and Superman in a Fat Suit lives on. 

Next week, we return to our regularly scheduled night, and jbox's fave compares Russell to a suicide bomber.