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Australians to Suck at a Professional Level

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No, really. Major League Eating and 7-Eleven Australia have partnered to form Sports Slurping.

Later this month, Pat Bertoletti will appear at three officially sanctioned Sports Slurping Time Trials. Bertoletti, who is known as "The Ice Man" in Australia, will display his slurping skills in the cities of Sydney, Melbourne and Brisbane.

Why Australia and not the U.S.? Is Australian food so disgusting that you can't eat it fast?

The series of events is being made even more remarkable by 7-Eleven’s recent introduction of a special Sports Slurpee charged with electrolytes – both in Mountain Blast and Berry Ice flavours – believed to shave seconds off Slurping times.

The Sports Slurping Time Trials will occur the week of April 11th. At each, Pat will challenge Slurpee-loving Austrailans to beat his time. Bertoletti, who is well known as the ice cream eating champion of the world, will be accompanied by MLE legend Hall Hunt. Hunt will present The Ice Man to throngs of fans in each Sports Slurping city while acting as the official referee. Outfitted in an official's striped uniform, Hunt will hold the Sports Slurping stopwatch, a timepiece that has been approved by MLE officials in New York City.

Oh shit, did somebody say electrolytes? We have electrolytes, people! For faster slurping! Wait a second, I don't think there's any science to support that claim.

"Major League Eating is thrilled to join forces with 7-Eleven, and to visit Australia for the first time," said Richard Shea of Major League Eating. "During one summer in Maine I earned two PHDs in Slurpology. I was just a child at the time, but I’ve adored the beverage ever since."

Very revealing... One summer in Maine I tried to bring a goldfish named Slurpee back to life at an old Indian burial ground. It didn't work. 

Slurpee is on the hunt for Australia’s fastest Slurper and will crown the first ever Sports Slurping champion in mid May 2010. The victor will be adorned with the illustrious title of ‘Sports Slurpee Champion’ and will take home the inaugural Sports Slurpee Trophy as well as a year’s supply of Slurpees. The slowest Sports Slurpee competitor will not escape public recognition as a Wooden Spoonstraw prize will be awarded for the slowest time! All Australian Slurpers aged 18 years and older can participate in the world’s first Sports Slurping contest. For Slurp Off dates and locations, visit

Source: MLE Sports Slurping with 7-Eleven Australia