Uncommon Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains - Week 13

Previously on ... UNCOMMON SURVIVOR: Everything was in line to finally get rid of Rupert, but Russell didn't like the way Danielle and Parvati were becoming so close. So he rallied the outcasts and staged a coup against his own alliance, voting against Danielle. She broke down to tears at Tribal Council and was eliminated. To top things off, Sandra found a hidden idol and nobody knows she has it.

Arriving at camp after the vote, Rupert is pleased as punch. Parvati, meanwhile, is still in shock. Jerri tells her about her short meeting with Russell before they left. Russell is even more pleased with his decision when he sees how scared Parvati is. After killing her best friend, she has nobody left but him now. It's all very "Lifetime movie."

The next morning starts with Parvati waking everyone with Tree Mail. It's a wooden box with a Sprint logo on it. Good luck getting 4G out there, guys. Inside is a Palm Pre, the little mobile device that couldn't. A short video of each Survivor's loved one is stored on the phone telling them they will see each other at the challenge. 

Reward Challenge Time! Jeff mentions the product name again. For those of us still grieving over the loss of Palm, it's just too much to bare. One by one, tearful, emotional hugs are shared. Colby has been sandbagging it this whole time, not getting married so he can have his brother in the challenge. Sandra tells everyone that her uncle was there when her mom died. Are you crying yet? Good, because the challenge is to use those tears to fill up buckets, sling it a good distance to your loved one, who'll catch it in their own bucket, and pour them into Jeff's evil engine that's powered by tears.

The challenge starts and Russell's out in front. He slings his bucket-full at his wife who catches most of it in her bucket and some of it all over her face and in her mouth. I'm already worried about the overt sexual suggestion in this challenge, so if we can all just be adults, we can get through this. Did I mention the reward for this challenge is eating burgers at the Blowholes? Colby misses and starts to talk dirty. Parvati misses. Rupert gets it all over his wife's chest. Jerri hits her sister with a big bucket-load. Sandra uses a Splash attack, but nothing happens. Colby misses in his second attempt and snaps at his helpful, supportive brother. Parvati's still missing, but Jerri and her sister have gotten the hang of it. Sandra dampens her uncle's bucket, whose hair looks like Pepe le Pew. Colby misses again and yells at his brother. Russell's wife is wringing out her hair while Rupert's wife wrings out her shirt. Colby still can't hit his brother and openly yells at him. He only came 6,000 miles to get yelled at. Sandra tells her uncle to try and steal Russell's water. It's between Russell, Rupert, and Jerri. Colby gets even angrier at his brother, who I bet really wants to spend time with him now. Russell's wife's bucket moves but doesn't tip, but Jerri's sister gets enough to tip their bucket and wins reward.  Jerri gets to pick one pair to go with them and she chooses Parvati. She asks if she can take another, and she chooses Sandra without hesitation. Russell looks wounded by this and whispers to his wife that she's in trouble now. Jeff asks him how it feels. That's how you twist a knife. Everyone else says their goodbyes while Rupert's wife tries to groom his beard with her teeth.

At the reward, everyone watches waves crash into a cave that shoots water up into the air. Out near the hole, an old man tosses coconuts in to launch them into the sky. Everyone says "whoa" a few times before going out to meet him, then they all take turns trying to hit themselves in the heads with launched coconuts. Then they go find a picnic and begin to eat. Sandra tells us that this is her favorite uncle. Take that, other uncles! Jerri's worried that Russell's going to be mad and the girls all vow to stick together. 

Back at camp, Russell continues to rant against Jerri. He can't understand her decision, and Rupert's there, nodding right along. Russell gets so worked up, he vows to take them to the final three. I think he's finally snapped, he'll never win the jury vote against those two. 

The girls return from the reward with Jerri hoping to talk to Russell, but he's asleep. Only Rupert is awake, poking at the fire. The girls retire to the shelter and Rupert begins to literally saw a log. Then he picks up the sawed-off piece and slams it on the ground to smash something else. He's collecting wood and stacking it so the rats in his beard will have a new home. The girls mumble to each other how clueless he is. Jerri tells us how rude and inconsiderate Mr. Banana Etiquette is. She doesn't know if he's cocky or stupid, but she thinks is the latter. With all the noise, Russell's awake, so Jerri goes to talk to him and smooth things over. Now they're happy again and he's back on board with Jerri. Did he forget about all that stuff with the bros earlier?

Immunity Challenge Time! Everyone's brought on and Jeff explains the challenge; balance poles on the tops of your hands. Colby loses after fifteen seconds. Sandra loses in less than sixty seconds. Russell loses his concentration and falls out. Jeff says that Jerri hasn't moved the whole time, but she's quivering ever so slightly, and she's out. Rupert swings wildly and maintains balance while Parvati's pole begins to slip. They both hang on for a few more agonizing minutes, but Rupert can't keep it up and falls. Parvati wins Immunity.

It's bittersweet for Russell because he was toying with the idea of getting rid of Parvati. Sandra talks to Rupert, telling him she wants to get rid of Russell. Rupert makes his first successful strategic move of the game by telling Russell about Sandra lobbying to get rid of him.  This gets Russell mad enough to confront Sandra then and there, asking her if she's with him or against him. She says she's against him and he gets all wild-eyed, saying she'll be next. Sandra and Parvati have obviously found some opium somewhere, because they're all loopy. They each say they aren't going anywhere and they feel safe, so Russell goes to sit by the fire again. Sandra yells to Rupert that loose lips sink ships. Parvati and Sandra giggle together in the shelter and this angers Russell even more. Jerri's surprised by the turn of events and can't believe the other girls are getting him mad. He says he wouldn't mind getting rid of her, Rupert agrees, and they whisper to each other that they'll do it. Sandra, despite trying to slyly give Russell the finger, is confident that she won't have to use her idol at tonight's vote. It's the last day to use it, why wouldn't you use it?

Tribal Council Time! Everyone's brought in and Jeff asks Sandra what's happened. She tells everything, and Jeff asks Russell if it's true. Jeff's surprised to learn that Sandra openly told Russell that she's against him. He asks Parvati if it's still Heroes vs. Villains, when it's obviously not. Parvati explains that the goal is to get to the final three with just Villains. Rupert says the goal is to be the best whatever-your-game-is, and present your case to the jury that you're the best at that. Parvati spins her head to look at Russell, causing Jeff to ask her what that was about. Parvati felt that Rupert was talking directly to Russell with his last answer. He says he was talking to any of the Villains. Jeff tells them it's the last night for hidden idols and they begin to vote.

Sandra writes Rupert's name and he writes hers. Jeff grabs the ballot box and asks for any idols. Sandra stands up right away. She takes it up to Jeff and Russell asks Parvati if she knew. All of Sandra's votes don't count and Rupert's finally eliminated. Jeff congratulates the final five by saying their names, one by one, and sends them out.

I've wanted to put his stupid face with his stupid shirt here all season. I don't approve of his meaningless beard, either.

This Sunday, Sunday, SUNDAY! It's the 2-hour finale!