Uncommon Survivor: Redemption Island - Week 12

Previously on UNCOMMON SURVIVOR: How about that? An alliance held together long enough to completely eliminate the other tribe after a merge. Technically, they're not completely eliminated, what with Redemption Island and all. I don't like it. Make it go away.

I'm not a fan of this off-shoot tribe thing that's forming because of Redemption Island. The way things have turned out, the merge was only a merge long enough to send the other tribe to the loser's bracket where they might go home one-at-a-time. I don't like that they're going home only one-at-a-time, either. They need to raise the stakes of each challenge a bit; dodging fireballs, swinging over alligator pits, stuff like that. 

Ralph and Steve arrive at Redemption Island and they all happy to see Mike. Look at that! Celebration? Joy? Relief? Jesus? More like Salvation Island, right? That makes my Grinchy heart grow three sizes... with anger.

OMETEPE, WILL YOU SHUT UP? YOU WOKE UP A JAGUAR. AT NIGHT. (They're nocturnal, that's how loud you are.)

The excitement is too much for Natalie as it finally hits her that her tribe has nobody left to sacrifice (and later revive, teasing the Survivor gods) but themselves. Why did she have to blame it on hormones? Missing your friends and family is a thing humans do. You can cry if you're a dude. It's said that if you cry big tears, you have a large penis. 

Tree mail: OMG SPRINT!

Me: "Please don't be a Samsung phone, please don't be a Samsung phone.... f*ck, it's a Samsung phone."

Natalie's mom coming up worked out great, huh? Jeff, tell me how that happened tomorrow, k?

They get a stupid phone at Redemption, too? COME ON.

Redemption Time! Stop saying "duel," Jeff. Duels are only for two people. Four people is a fray. The pace of this challenge is making me impatient. Mike loves his family the most. Matt and Ralph second-most. Steve hates his family and Survivor, so Jeff sends him to purgatory, I mean the jury.

So Mike gets to choose between seeing his mom, letting Matt and Ralph see their "loved" ones, or the remaining six see theirs. And wouldn't you know it, he cites the Jesus Christ Survivor Strategy Handbook. Smooth, and right in front of his mom, too. A (faux) selfless act like that? On national television? Right before Mother's Day? Makes us all look like jerks. 

Sure, Mike, it wasn't for strategic reasons. Sure Ralph, you wanted Mike to hang out with his mom more than you wanted to do back flips in the sand with your buddy. Sure Matt, you wouldn't have done what Mike did, even though your god would make you do it in a heartbeat; for the laughs, and the ratings. 

"How do you keep your hair so nice?" - Andrea's dad.

Is he gay, or is he trying to convince the women in his life that they're spending too much on product. Or is he trying to convince the gay men in his life that they're spending too much on product? What is your angle, sir? In any case, ladies and gentlemen of any orientation, you're spending too much on product. 

Rob's sister is an interesting choice, right? I forget the other seasons, who visited Rob before? Memory people, tell me that. Rob has been trying to win Survivor for a decade. I don't have any additional observation to add to that, because it's staggering all by itself.

Immunity Challenge Time! Cool, they built an 1/8th of a stadium in Nicaragua. See, San Diego? That's how it's done... just do it like that, only times eight. Halfway into the challenge, I like a lot; a good mix of physicality and mental acuity. No, Jeff, Rob was not literally carrying his family on his back. Awesome idea for a future challenge, though, make a note. Rob emerges victorious. Great challenge. Again, AGAIN!

Who do you get rid of? There's Andrea, who almost won immunity, that makes her a threat. There's her Matt romance, but I don't follow the logic that putting them back together is a good idea. Then there's Phillip; he's annoying, he's crazy, and kind of an ass. But is he doing it on purpose? Is this some kind of insane play he's been fully in control of since day one? I personally think not. I'd get rid of Andrea anyway. Phillip's got his fancy words, but everyone's seen that he's also a nutjob. He seems to think he has the perfect speech for the jury at the end, which has me drooling with anticipation. How crazy is it going to be? I DON'T KNOW! *squeeee*

Tribal Council Time! Not a very inspiring tribal council. Jeff probes (I never get tired of that) the tribe and notes that it's interesting that nobody is expecting to be sent home. Good note. I think Jeff knew he didn't get much for this tribal council, because he asks Phillip what his grandfather would say. Oh, Jeff. Phillip's grandfather's message? "Hold the faith." That sounds to me like, "do nothing," but this ghost finds lost shorts (when given two tries), so maybe it's legit. 

Voting Time! Jeff asking about the idol reminded me, did everyone else forget about trying to find an idol? Results: Andrea, Phillip, Andrea. Pause for a moment while Dave explains to everyone that wasn't watching earlier in the episode where Jeff says someone's getting blindsided. Everyone look at Dave and thank him for interrupting us. "Thank you, Dave." Can we begin reading again, Dave? Thank you. Andrea. Andrea. 

Spent too much on product. via www.cbs.com

Next time: isht gets eral.